I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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