i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
