She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
