Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
