Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
