Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
