that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
