If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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