bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
