Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
