yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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