I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
