you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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