At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Randomize
