I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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