It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
