Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
