I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
