Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
