R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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