I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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