so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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