You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
