It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
