Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
