I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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