And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
