Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
