im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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