OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
