So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
