I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bring money and cleavage
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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