The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
