I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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