Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
