It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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