If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
