Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
