Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
