I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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