he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
