I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
