I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
