There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
