At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You need Xanax blowdarts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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