god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't notice because vodka
That accounts for only three of the penises
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
