You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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