Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
