She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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