Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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