Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
