The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
