Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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