He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
only you would photoshop your dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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