Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
