do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We left an ass print on the piano.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
